Posts Tagged ‘Dirty Tricks’

The Journal Of Outsider Poetry Is a Dirty Trick

January 28, 2016

The Journal of Outsider Poetry is a dirty trick, and editor Henry Wolfsburg should be ashamed of himself. We all have a deep fondness and admiration for Dr. Wolfsburg due to his bravery in the Zombie Apocalypse of 1978, but after nearly three decades he has emerged from his complex in Vermont to take a position as a specialist in poetry therapy at the Vermont Institute For Reformation.

Many find his techniques questionable, and his claim to be able to cure conversion and somatoform disorders unfounded by the evidence. His poetry circles have created some highly entertaining slam and spoken word poetry, for sure, but as a concerned colleague I have to ask at what cost?

Some fairly barbaric methods were employed during the darker times of psychiatry, but poetry? What kind of a sadist forces poetry upon his own patients. Most people spend their lives running from poetry, but Dr. Wolfsburg recommends an abrupt and total immersion into the nightmare world of poetry. Some have even accused him of running a poetry sweatshop where inmates write haikus, sonnets, even confessional poetry 12 hours a day.

I beg my colleague in this appeal to stop. Stop with the poetry already. It is a cruel and unusual method that went out with The Dark Ages. You’re better than this, Dr. Wolfsburg.

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Dirty Tricks In the Silver Market

June 10, 2014

I started paying attention to silver prices about five years ago now, and bought my first silver in 2010 just as the price was hitting $30 an ounce, on it’s way to a high of a splash beneath $50.00. Blogs and websites sprung up speculating daily about price manipulation and speculating silver would easily rise to $100 an ounce if some shadowy entity were not manipulating the market. And they had some convincing arguments, the most persuasive to me being that JP Morgan and other manipulators simply didn’t have enough silver in its vaults to cover demand if everyone wanted their silver at the same time.

Then the price crashed. Quickly. Maybe it was slower than I remember. For the most part I sold the silver I had bought between 30-40 at 30-40 on the way down. I ended up even Steven. But that’s not exactly why I bought it in the first place. I wanted to make money. I wanted to buy an asset that would be worth more money when I sold it than when I bought it.

So, what did I do wrong, and what would I do differently if I did it again?

The answer is so deceptively simple it evades most people. Buy it low, sell it high. The thing that happened in this latest silver rush was no one wanted to sell high. We were all high on the almost narcotic effect of having the asset that is hot. What we forgot was that if you don’t sell the asset that is hot when other people want to buy it, you can’t make money.

This very week silver has been as easy to buy at around 20-22 an ounce as it has been in years. It’s not that much fun to buy an asset at a low because there’s no immediate gratification. You put it with the others and wait.

Is JP Morgan manipulating the price of silver? Hell if I know. Seems unusual to me that they wouldn’t, considering that’s their business. You probably would, too. I wonder if in the future, though, if it won’t be in their best interest to inflate the price of silver to some insane number. Quickly. And if they do that, this exact moment would have been the time you needed to buy all the silver you could to make money later. Volatility has been flatlined for a couple of years now. The one factor I see that makes me believe there won’t be any real rocket ride in silver prices anytime soon is that now everyone has it. The low prices haven’t done much to get silver out of the hands of all those people who bought it these past five years, and if you have it they have no real motivation to make it valuable again.

So, what would a reasonable expectation for silver be in the next five years?

I don’t see it above $50. I don’t think it’s in any of the power broker’s interest to allow it to rise above that level. I think there will be one more climb to fifty in the next two years. Probably a very rapid one. One so rapid that if you don’t already have it you won’t be able to take advantage.

Now, if that flash of upward volatility were successful in shaking the silver out of the hands of a lot of people who have too much for their own damn good, then i could see a later run, perhaps in the next five years, that might approach $100. But don’t feel bad if you take advantage of the chance to sell at $50.

Go buy now.

The Women and Children First Dirty Trick Squad

April 27, 2014

Here’s one of Jenny’s favorite dirty tricks. One she isn’t even aware she’s pulling. Jenny is very assertive. So, when we are in a crowd she has a tendency to force her way past people. With me behind her. Which several times a week leaves me in a position where in order to keep up with her I’d have to mow over women, children, and the elderly. Since I’m not willing to do that i often end up several steps behind her. Sometimes she’ll turn around and scornfully ask me why I’m moving so slow. I want to tell her it’s because I’m not an aggressive jerk, but I don’t. 

Recently I overtook 200 LBS for the first time in nearly a year and a half. For the year before my surgery, and the few months after it, I had difficulty maintaining my weight. But now I’m over 200 LBS again and I feel great about it. Not sure my joints are loving it so much, but I just feel best around 210 pounds. 

And one of the realities of being 210 pounds is that I do not fit into the places Jenny and the kids fit. Nor do I move as swiftly or dexterously as the kids do. Jack has me outrun when we’re at the store, and he knows it. The little imp runs me ragged. There is no panic like losing sight of a child in a public place, even for a second, so I do my best to keep up. I’ll be over fifty when he’s still in single digits. Someone help me. 

Dirty Tricks With Girl Scout Cookies

February 22, 2014

I just recently discovered Plants versus Zombie. I mean, I didn’t discover it. It existed long before I learned how to navigate the Playstation 3 the kids have upstairs. The three year old knows how it works. I don’t. The world passed me by after Nintendo 64. Up up down left right… you know the schtick. I don’t remember the password to my bank account, but I remember the cheat code for Contra.

I started playing Plants versus Zombies because I’d been having a stressful week dealing with medication changes and feeling invisible because everyone who owed me money or was supposed to do something for me had disappeared, and everyone who wanted something from me was omnipresent. One of those weeks. So I started playing Plants versus Zombie. And I enjoyed it. 

Then the kids went crazy on the third floor and made a monumental mess that led to the banning of all food and drinks upstairs. Now I like to have a cup of tea and play some Plants versus Zombies to begin the day, but I haven’t had any luck sneaking my cup of tea up the stairs past the watchful eye of Jenny, guardian of the stairs. Today I considered putting it under my sweatshirt, Spartan style, but it was too hot. Not as bad as rabid fox, but painful enough I had to abort my plan. 

Later I have to get it all together to go to the YMCA for both an aerobic and weight workout. As I watch the kids jamming Girl Scout cookies into their mouths and playing a video game about Halloween, I wish I could return to the days where everything I ingested wasn’t a potential time bomb that could literally kill me. You know you’re in trouble when your doctor tells you even green, leafy vegetables can be bad for you. Where can you go from there? The things they told you to eat all your life are even dangerous for me. I don’t have the option the kids have to ignore all advice about nutrition and pay the consequences later. The consequences are immediate. I feel them within hours of my culinary transgressions.

I still bought my standing order of Samoan, or whatever they have changed the name to in order to be PC, cookies this year. And like last year, they will sit in my freezer for a few months, then get tossed out. Not because I don’t enjoy them, I do, but because I only enjoy them with about six cans of Tab Cola, and my stomach doesn’t deserve that. 

Meanwhile, the Dirty Tricks with Girlscout Cookies continue upstairs. At least for now.

Google and Their PageRank Dirty Tricks

February 21, 2014

Google did a Pagerank update in February of 2013. If I recall correctly, this blog received either a 1 or a 2 ranking. Then Google seemed to scrap the idea of assigning a PageRank to webpages altogether. I thought it was a lovely idea. And it was freeing to me as a blogger. No more worries of spending time trying to promote a blog so Google would take it more seriously. I just wrote things. 

Like most people, I had accepted the fact that Google probably had discontinued PageRank. Until last week when I saw they had done a PageRank sometime late in December 2013. About that time I had ignored several notices to renew a custom domain name for this blog. Heart surgery has a way of making things like a secondary blog you only use to vent seem trivial. Worse yet, the domain was set to renew automatically, so I went to my bank and contested the charge. 

Then I saw the new PageRank numbers. This blog got a 3. Not a high number, but certainly respectable for a blog I only update very infrequently. The problem was WordPress had put a freeze on my blog because they have a policy that they freeze your blog if they receive a chargeback until you pay a twenty dollar fee.

Entirely my bad and a twenty dollar lesson in not blowing things off, even if death is staring you in the face. I just paid the twenty. In the process I lost the custom domain name I didn’t want to pay 18 dollars for. 

In better news I just joined the YMCA after waiting an entire month for them to approve my paperwork. Did a nice aerobic workout on the eliptical and hit the weight room for a few minutes. 

I don’t really have anything to say, I just figured since I paid twenty dollars for the privilege of posting to my own blog I might as well say something. 

 

Women Are The Dirtiest Tricksters

August 15, 2013

Women are almost always engaged in some form of dirty trick. Usually they seem to be entirely unaware of it. I suppose it must just be one of those evolutionary things. 

Here’s an entirely filthy dirty trick women do all the time. Let’s say you’re an entirely single guy who would more than be in the mood to be approached by an attractive woman in the course of going to the bank, working out at the gym, or having a beer and a cheeseburger at the corner tavern. Good luck, Chuck. It ain’t happenin’.

But let’s say you’re a married guy. Let’s say you’re a married guy with your kids at the park. Or at the pool. Or at the supermarket. Even a relatively unattractive middle-aged guy who didn’t even bother to brush his teeth or comb his hair or make sure his socks matched before leaving the house. The women will swarm on you like mosquitoes on a sweaty, drunken Fillipino hat dancer.

Now your obvious response to what I just said is, sure, they approach you because they know you have kids and can’t pose any real threat. But no, they want you. 

Why? 

I wonder. Just another of life’s dirty tricks.

Dirty Tricks At Midway Village

April 14, 2013

It was still barely above freezing today, so of course Jenny decides we should take the kids to the World War I re-enactment at Midway Village. Battle one was fought in the small mock village they have recreated. We asked one of the soldiers how they decide who pretends to have been shot and he said generally if you get tired you just lay down.

The kids were most interested in getting into the foxholes, which were full of mud and rainwater, but the climax of the afternoon was the re-enactment of a full battle on a large field, complete with mustard gas. The Allies lost this time and were taken prisoner.

The Dirty Trick I want to talk about here is akin the the Trojan Horse dirty trick because after the battles the officials encourage the children to run out on the field and gather up the brass shell casings like Easter Eggs, and when given the prompt, of course they do. The nine year old is fast and insistent and gathered many.

Then we went to Red Robin for gourmet cheeseburgers. Nobody actually ordered a cheeseburger, but that’s beside the point. When we got to the parking lot I made a comment that America doesn’t exactly have a great sense of humor about people driving around with shell casings in their car, blanks or not, and we agreed and gathered all the shells up to make sure there wasn’t one on the floorboard of the car in the case one of us was stopped for an invalid registration then made national headlines for a colossal misunderstanding.

You have to be careful with the dirty tricks in modern America. they come in many disguises.