Archive for the ‘Dirty Tricks’ Category

Fantasy Football In August Is a Dirty Trick

August 2, 2018

Less than an hour until my first fantasy football draft of 2018. Jenny has gone roller skating, so I’m going to put an ice pack on my elbow and wet my beak with a ten dollar draft.

August 1st. And I’m sitting here at Zombie Logic Press headquarters so bored I’ve broken my own rule about not doing any drafts before the third preseason game.

I’m sort of liking a few sleepers in the middle to late rounds like C.J. Anderson, even though I realize Cam Newton is the goaline back in Carolina, Deonte Foreman in Houston when Lamar Miller inevitably is proven slow and old, Jordy Nelson in Oakland to have one more good year, and Sterling Shepard in New York for no good real reason. Isiah Crowell is appealing to me again this year with McGuire out in New York, even though Crowell burned me last year.

As far as quarterbacks, it seems like just wait and pair up a couple like Luck, Ryan, etc in rounds 9, 10, 11. Derek Carr is another one I’d like to get even later than that. Gives you a chance to stack up some of the players from the previous paragraph, maybe throw a flier like the rookie running back in Detroit or Denver, get some solid depth on your roster.

One thing I’ll be conscious of trying to do this year is differentiate between early season and late season guys. That’s where players like Donte Foreman and a couple of the rookie running backs in Indianapolis come in. You want to think ahead and already have the waiver pick up of the year that wins people championships on your roster already.

But like i said, I got no business doing a draft on August 1st, or even talking about one. At this time last year if I’d seen someone like Kareem Hunt of Leonard Fornette or even Deshaun Watson coming I could have stacked up top players in the middle rounds, even though they didn’t finish the season strong. Rookie running backs aren’t going to catch anyone by surprise this year, but I think the trend of drafting a rookie and running their wheels off then drafting another one is here to stay, at least for now. I think you really need to bookend a couple of top flight running backs right away then go out and get your wide receivers.

Thus spaketh the Dirty Tricks Squad



Dirty Tricks and Bad Dudes

March 17, 2016

Jenny asked me why I never inducted Donald Trump into The Hall of Bad Dudes, and it didn’t take me long to formulate an answer. “Because I’ve never taken him seriously,” I answered. And until now, I haven’t. He’s always seemed like a buffoonish villain to me, something you might see in an Austin Power’s movie. I never watched The Apprentice. To me Donald Trump was always exactly where he needed to be: on a reality tv show that had nothing to do with any reality I was currently experiencing.

Then shit got real.

Gradually, and suddenly, enough people started taking Donald Trump seriously as a candidate for President that it got scary. Fast. It’s like that slow fight you see unfolding before your eyes where it starts with good-natured ribbing, then someone’s feelings getting hurt, then anger, then a little pushing and shoving, then a full-scale knock-down drag-out fight, while all the time you’re thinking somebody is going to step in a stop this. The adults are going to show up eventually.

But in this case something unusual is happening. No one is listening to the adults. There is no one who has the authority to intercede and put to a stop a conflagration of anger, hatred, and pent-up desire to scapegoat entire groups of people ┬áthat is eerily reminiscent of other times and other places where dangerous leaders with dangerous followers turned into genocide, pogroms, witch trials, crusades….


Personally I’m not surprised by any of this. I grew up in a small town where if you weren’t racist you weren’t trying. Hell, I went back to that town last summer to go to a concert with one of my relatives and heard guests also going (school teachers) use the n word all the way to Chicago. So, no, I’m not really surprised by the onslaught of bigotry and hatred we’re seeing from Donald Trump’s supporters. What does surprise me is more Americans not telling them to sit down, shut the hell up, and behave themselves.

Well, some are. I see many Republicans condemning this despicable show of ignorance and vowing not to support Trump if he were to become the Republican nominee. I think no matter what happens in this lesson we’ve all learned a lesson. Whoever these people are that are so angry and so willing to blame someone else for it aren’t going anywhere. They weren’t created by Donald Trump, and the sad reality is they can’t even be dispelled if Donald Trump goes away now. They are real. They are the new reality. Maybe they were always the reality and we were all just living an illusion thinking America was becoming a better, more compassionate and accepting nation that was finally getting closer to achieving its stated ideal of “Liberty and justice for all.” Maybe we never really meant that at all.





The Journal Of Outsider Poetry Is a Dirty Trick

January 28, 2016

The Journal of Outsider Poetry is a dirty trick, and editor Henry Wolfsburg should be ashamed of himself. We all have a deep fondness and admiration for Dr. Wolfsburg due to his bravery in the Zombie Apocalypse of 1978, but after nearly three decades he has emerged from his complex in Vermont to take a position as a specialist in poetry therapy at the Vermont Institute For Reformation.

Many find his techniques questionable, and his claim to be able to cure conversion and somatoform disorders unfounded by the evidence. His poetry circles have created some highly entertaining slam and spoken word poetry, for sure, but as a concerned colleague I have to ask at what cost?

Some fairly barbaric methods were employed during the darker times of psychiatry, but poetry? What kind of a sadist forces poetry upon his own patients. Most people spend their lives running from poetry, but Dr. Wolfsburg recommends an abrupt and total immersion into the nightmare world of poetry. Some have even accused him of running a poetry sweatshop where inmates write haikus, sonnets, even confessional poetry 12 hours a day.

I beg my colleague in this appeal to stop. Stop with the poetry already. It is a cruel and unusual method that went out with The Dark Ages. You’re better than this, Dr. Wolfsburg.