At Least I Don’t Take Xarelto

I bumped into the car ahead of me earlier this afternoon. I’m not going to tell Jenny. No one was hurt. The older lady got out of her car, and neither car was damaged. I asked her if she was hurt and apologized. She said “It happens,” and went back to her car and drove off.

But it doesn’t happen. I’ve been in seven accidents now in my life: only one when I was driving, and none my fault. It doesn’t happen. I was stopped behind her, and we were both waiting to merge right, and I could have sworn she pulled out, so I looked left and hit the gas. But she was still there.

The worst part of this whole experience is my heart rate never went up. I never snapped out of the foggy daze I seem to be in since my surgery. Not even upon impact. I anticipated she had pulled out because there was enough time for both of us to go, with room to spare, but I never confirmed she had gone.

Late last I saw this commercial for a class-action lawsuit against Xarelto, which I do not take because I have artificial heart valves, but I do take a similar blood thinner. Strokes, fatal bleeding in the stomach and brain etc. Yesterday I had my INR checked, and it was withing a normal range, but are they telling me the truth about this medication? They insist it is safe for my liver and other organs, and are straight-forward in informing me that bleeding or stroke are possible side-effects. The alternative was my aorta exploding, so who am I to have any sort of bitterness that I now live with an elevated risk of bleeding?

I can’t help feeling that I’m not entirely the same person. I’m older. But something else has changed. I don’t make the mistake I made today. I can’t. What else have I lost?

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